On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me nothing.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me two nothings and a nothing.
On the third day of Christmas, my not-so-true-anymore love gave to me three nothings, two nothings, and a nothing.
On the fourth day of Christmas, this person who I thought loved me gave me four calling nothings, three French nothings, two turtle nothings, and a big fat nothing in a nothing tree.
Now it’s the fifth day of Christmas, and it’s time for some passive aggressive payback, so I bought my true love a Ryan Anderson Design steel-top powder-coated table that seats six ($1,500).
Then, I bought two concrete and wood benches by Eric Billig ($800/ea).
Then I bought three French hens, and I ate them, because hauling around all this furniture was sapping my strength. Then I bought three multicolored chairs by Pedrali of Italy ($249/ea) that are molded UV-resistant plastic.
Finally, I bought this lazy lover of mine four (count ‘em, four!) Ryan Anderson side tables to surround this new back porch paradise where my true love will, under penalty of law, serenade me with wine and whip out five golden rings tonight. Or else.
I also picked up a fourth Pedrali chair, because three chairs was looking kinda weird.
[Come celebrate the 12 Days of Aviary before it's too late to blow your true love's mind with awesome, unexpected, non-traditional, cherishable gifts for Christmas or Kwanzaa or just the sheer "I love you this much" of it. Stay tuned for more gift ideas every day between now and when we run out of clever ideas for how to write them up.]